The myth of control and why it might be holding you back in business
Many successful women are taught that being prepared means staying in control, but this belief can quietly become a source of stress and self-doubt.
For many women in business, control can feel like competence. When you know you may be judged for being too assertive or not assertive enough, too emotional or too cold, it is easy to believe the answer is to manage every detail perfectly. And when women are still so often expected to prove themselves, it can feel as if you must be more prepared than everyone else to be taken seriously.
So you rewrite an email five times before pressing send or prepare for every possible objection before a meeting. On the surface, this can look responsible, professional, even impressive. But often it is anxiety disguised as diligence. It tells you that if you can just find the perfect words, anticipate every reaction, and avoid every possible mistake, you can escape your racing thoughts, the tight chest and the knot in your stomach.
This is the myth of control: the belief that certainty is possible if only you work hard enough to secure it. This often manifests as the Illusion of Preparedness: the idea that if you can mentally rehearse every outcome now, you will be protected later. This is not to suggest you walk into a pitch, presentation or negotiation unprepared. Of course, doing the work matters. But there is a point at which preparation tips over into anxiety. You are no longer sharpening your argument; you are trying to make yourself immune to criticism, embarrassment or failure.
The problem is that no amount of rehearsal can eliminate uncertainty. You can anticipate ten objections and still be asked an eleventh. You can write the “perfect” email and still find that the recipient responds negatively. Worse, over-preparation can drain the very energy, flexibility and presence of mind you need to perform well when the moment actually arrives.
Letting go of the myth of control does not mean lowering your standards. It means writing the email, preparing for the meeting, making the decision, and accepting that the outcome is not entirely up to you.
The strongest position in business is not being certain of the outcome. It is being willing to act without perfect certainty and trusting that, whatever happens, you can handle it.
This is one of the ideas I explore in my new book, Allen Carr: The Easy Way to Overcome Anxiety, which examines how anxiety traps us in false solutions, and how we can break free.
